Well,
Let me tell you how i feel,
since you really want to know so much.

I dont think you're th extreme bad friend that i dont want to have.
but i always feel irritated by you.
i dont know why, but whenever we're privately tgr,
i dont feel that way. maybe you're just Different when
we're privately tgr and when everyone's around.

Jy did not really mean that we were right
when she wrote that in her blog
Crys did mean what she say at ur hse.
Jann did feel awkward because u didnt speak to her during vball
and left her sitting alone.

to you, it may be us that have left you,
but u have actually found better friends that WILL be there fr you
and u seem very happy fr that fact.

Well, reasons fr why i get irritated
accumulated since sec2 i guess.
i realised how close we were in sec 1
only after reading my old diaries.
but well, u claimed that Jann n I
left you out after th change in sitting arrangement
and that's when evrythng started to change.

Homecoming '09
i was really angry that day,
when you and crys accused me of NOT trusting you.
and u even told them that u didnt wan to call me over fr class photo
but came over smiling "TOLERATING me" and
persuading me to take th class photo
when i left, no one helped except chenyou.

Quarrel
you dragged all of them away.
and obviously, anyone would be angry.
And th trashin session obviously pissed me off alot
it DIDNT help in pulling us back tgr.
and to say th truth, it was actually Jann
that persuaded me back to you people.
bcause i didnt wan to feel awkward in dance with jiyin
bcause i didnt wan jann to be sandwiched in bwtwn

Whatever u said during th trashing session
i remembered very clearly. and things that u said
were really hurtful but i didnt think u felt that way.
yeahs, its okay that u feel that way but i'm just pissed
i think th way ure expressing it is just totally diff fr me to accept.

Plus, you said that th whole trashing session was
decided by th 4 of you,
but it seemed that u were th only one talking all about it.
and th childishness in wht u said, at least u realised.
u said u feel guilty about it, well, good that you do.
but things arent gna be the same as before
after what you did that lost ALL th trust that we built up fr 2years.

Games Marathon day,
even though it seemed lyk th clique is okay tgr,
but to me, it was all fr th sake of winning th matches that i went.
i didnt want to go at first, bcos jann wasnt going
and i didnt want to be in a same team as th 4 of you.
things didnt change during tht day if it seemed lyk it did.

many tyms, i would get really irritated by th way u act,
but i dont say, and lyk you all said "endurance is th key"
but things really bottled up and reached to a point where
even when i try to tell myself "friendship fr 3 years shldnt end lyk this"
it didnt work at all. and whenever i told myself
"we can still be friends" i feel lyk i just cntradicted myself

situation are awkward,
even at th busstop,
we have nothing to say, we're just thre to wait fr ea other and E
go in tgr, and go seperate ways.
You seem happy with them,
and you dont seem to do anything about it to,
i dont understand about th part where u said we didnt have th courage to
take th first step, because i dont see a point in doing so,
bcause things seem better for you.

I hate it when u tel me u hate J right in my face
and dont feel anything wrong about what you say.
and when i told u i didnt lyk E,
u just shouted in my face that i was being insensitive.
well, thats what u did to me too.

i ain't getting back at you fr what u did in th past,
because i dont think i was much affected by th situation.
i admit, i did cry over th situation,
but i figured that what's gone is gone
and th trust can never be gained back.

but i got to say that,
you're a good friend when we're privately tgr,
but whenever it comes to a whole group of friends,
you just became another stranger.

i didnt want to tel you how i feel,
because i know it wouldn't help in th situation
because i've goen through that before.
but i just got to tel you,
i ain't getting back at you

and i dont think i have such powers
to influence evryone in thinking hw i feel to get back at you.
plus things cld hve gtten better
if you didnt join them and ignore th situation.
Thats how th rest of them feel, but nt me.

good that you're happy with them around
{♥}